An Alligator, Gorilla, and A Coward Walked Into A Bar

An Alligator, Gorilla, and A Coward Walked Into A Bar

An Alligator, Gorilla, and A Coward Walked Into A Bar

An Alligator, Gorilla, and A Coward Walked Into A Bar

While the tragic events that have happened recently are no joke, the way many are responding is. What kind of people judge others on their parenting skills and for the love they have for another human being? Since when has judgement trumped love and compassion? What good can come from throwing stones, name calling, and finger pointing?

We have no right to judge. Have we forgotten that we are not perfect, that we make mistakes, every damn one of us? You are an imperfect person, we are all imperfect people!

What nightmare are we living here?

We are humans, but we’ve become apex predators, more violent than any wild animal. This is our reality and it’s not good at all. The animals are being animals. The children free-spirited, fearless, and learning through play. Our children play, explore, and are curious!

Most people love their children, even those facing drug addiction and debilitating mental disorders. Majority of the time they do not want harm to come to their children.

We have a responsibility to our children. Physical, emotional, and intellectual well-being. Sometimes that is holding their hand every step of the way and other times it means letting go and being there, close by when they ask or need for our help. Have you survived teen years yet?!

We have marriages, mortgage payments, other children, jobs, sick or dying loved ones, and ourselves to care for too!

Meanwhile we parent with life in motion, while juggling work, while balancing life!

You take a quick phone call quick while they play in the tub.

You engage in conversation about the big game last night with another father at the park while you kids disappear from your direct line of sight for a few chaotic minutes.

You let your baby keep that blankie with them as they finally fall asleep on their tummy after hours and hours of crying with no sleep. You dare not risk waking him.

You allow an older, more responsible sibling to take your youngest to the potty who can’t hold it at a restaurant while you deal with your infant who just projectile vomited in the car seat.

You allow your child to run around with a lollipop so they will stop screaming so you can have five damn minutes to gather your thoughts after getting the news your mother has cancer.

You come out of the bathroom to find your toddler has learned operate the child locks and has bleach in her hand or how to get out on the back patio near the pool which he could easily have fell into.

These are situations where accidents could have happened, and they have happened.

Most of us have had a baby fall from a bed. Could we have done more? Maybe! Are kids going to be kids? Yes! Are parents going to make mistakes? Oh hell yes we do, don’t insert “but” here. No buts! Accidents do happen!

Your child could have been these children, you could have been those parents, we all could have been. So please, stop! Stop the judgement and hate, choose love!

Humans have become more predatorily than wild animals. More deaths occur in our country every year than all accidental deaths by animals combine.

So an alligator, gorilla, and a coward walked into a bar and all hell broke loose. This animal disguised as a person took the hate and anger he had for himself and projected it onto others. He killed so many for no reason other than hate. What he did was heartless and senseless, but prepare to see more of this hate if we do not decide to change.

It starts with you, it starts with me. It starts with stopping!

We are all mirrors! What we say, do, and project onto others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Are your words kind and compassionate or full of hate and judgement?

I know you’ve heard these: sometimes less is more, those who live in glasses houses shouldn’t throw stones, and two wrongs don’t make a right. We are responsible for our actions, our words, and our thoughts. Perhaps we judge less and love more!

Feel, think, process… then respond!

Hate breeds hate. Love changes things! Choose love!

 

Our colleagues at Hampton Roads Doulas also wrote a fantastic blog. Please go over and show them some love too!

Placenta Capsules: Sharing More Than Experience, Part 2

Placenta Capsules: Sharing More Than Experience

Continued  from Part 1, found here.

 

Sharing More Than Experience Part 2

 

Placenta Capsules: Sharing More Than Experience

By Abby Anonymous

 

This person said her workspace was safe and there were never two placentas in the same space at the same time. I asked! She gave me her word and now her word meant nothing.

She went on to explain that she remembered distinctly putting my placenta inside the dehydrator with the tray that has a giant crack in it. It wasn’t until after delivering our placenta capsules that she removed the “paper” from the trays to begin the “cleaning” process that she noticed the post-it note with the other person’s name on it on the dehydrator with a crack now and vice versa. She asked her son if he touched it and he said he was helping.

So she does believe the placenta capsules were given to the wrong people.

Then, she apologized profusely, tried to reassure me that the other person is someone she knows well and is healthy. She said she would “make right” what happened. She seemed sincere in her tone and responses, but how can you possibly make right this situation?

You can’t!

When I was telling Liz what happened, she stopped me here and pointed out that the terminology and processes being used by the other encapsulator were throwing up red flags. She said, Post-It notes, children playing with knobs, and  just “cleaning” are not ways to keep people safe.

Liz went on to say, “the client should always keep, transport, and store her own placenta and be met in her own home by a professional so a mix up like this one never has the chance to happen.”

Liz is right.

Liz made her view very clear, “I feel strongly that providing this service in anyone’s home other than the woman who delivered the placenta is irresponsible of a business owner. There can be serious legal repercussions for doing this anywhere other than the client’s home.”

Again, I think she’s right.

Liz went on to tell me, “All equipment should be kept in tip-top order. When things wear they should be replaced. With First Coast Doulas that tray with a giant crack would have been swapped out with a brand new one just as soon as it happened. Trays with cracks are not being properly sanitized per OSHA standards. There is a difference between cleaning and sanitizing.”

She is right, yet again.

Back to my real life nightmare.

This encapsulator mixed up my placenta and called me TWO days after I started taking the pills!

I felt incredibly violated in a way I can’t explain. Our home was broken into once and our belongings rummaged through. I still didn’t feel as violated then as I do about this catastrophic mix up.

I  told her I’d taken 12 capsules that possibly contained another person’s placenta and blood. I told her I’m a nurse. I told her I see people with contagious and infectious diseases every day. I asked her if she understood what she had done. She just sat there, quiet on the other end.

I was naive and trusted her too easily. I hung up on her again and the next several hours I spent crying and being upset. What she had done was unacceptable and made me utterly disgusted.

How do I fix this? How could I? There was no way.

When I calmed down I called her back and reached her voice mail. I left a message, but she never returned my call. For the next couple days I tried to just put it out of my mind. Then I told my husband, and he flipped out. He wanted answers as much as I did. He called and left message after message and she refused to return our calls. She wouldn’t answer text messages or emails either.

I decided to talk to my OB about what happened since she recommended her to me. My OB didn’t seem to understand the urgency of the matter or how I felt. She sort of brushed me off and suggested I keep quiet about it.

I felt sick inside, I felt gross, and I was scared.

I trusted her to help me feel better after delivering our baby, but ironically she did the opposite. I have depression that had gotten worse during pregnancy. Depression was the reason I chose to encapsulate.

I was stunned when I returned for my six week follow up visit with my OB and her information was still being handed out to patients in this very popular doctor’s office even after making such a grave mistake with the health of others.

That was the last time I visited the office and I will not be returning, ever.

I contacted an attorney. Since I have nothing in writing from this woman, no receipt for payment, and essentially no proof this happened to me I can’t really do anything about it. The damage has been done and there is not a single thing I can do about it.

I have to have protected sex with my husband and I’m being even more cautious with my children until we know for sure I haven’t contracted anything from this person who I’ve still never met.

I googled and came across the First Coast Doulas website along with others. I contacted three companies, but Liz was the only one who got back in touch with me. I had read a few of their blogs and felt comfortable having a conversation by phone that led to an in person meeting where Liz let me share without judgment.

Liz answered questions for me that no one else was willing to answer.

 

Liz also helped me understand that while there are things people can do to be safer, that this was in no way my own fault. She couldn’t give me definite answers about what took place with my placenta, noone could do that, but she offered insight about what may have happened, and listened to me. I am currently seeing a therapist who is helping work through this and other issues and things are getting better each day.

Liz also openly shared a lot about what her process involves and she seems to be very knowledgeable about the placenta, bloodborne pathogens, and how to work safely.

To my knowledge this person is still making placenta capsules in her home kitchen. There is no record of her “business” ever being registered with the state, and she is still receiving referrals from the OB. She still has not returned my calls or emails.

I wonder if she told the other person about the unacceptable mix up. Her actions tell me that although she told me about the mix up, she still isn’t providing this service safely. According to her website she is still “picking up” placentas.

I never thought I would say this, but if we decide to have another baby and I try to do this again I’d most definitely hire Liz with First Coast Doulas to handle this delicate process for me. She’s taught what I need to know to be safer, has listened without judgement, and it’s easy to see that she is the best at what she does.

Things to be mindful of when selecting someone to encapsulate your placenta:

  • Always ask about their certifications and training. Don’t be afraid to check in with their certifying body to be sure the information they’ve given you is true.
  • Not all trainings are created equally so look into what their standards are.
  • Ask them to describe the process. If they seem to flounder or not explain things clearly there could be issues there.
  • Ask to also see their certification for Bloodborne Pathogen.
  • Lower price doesn’t = best deal. The market is all over the place and confuses consumers. Fees range from $0 to about $350 in our area.
  • While a higher price doesn’t guarantee anything either, a business has to pay taxes, has overhead and supply fees, and the person preforming the job should be compensated well for his/her skills. If a person hasn’t taken the time to factor all of those things into the cost they are not running a business sustainably and could be cutting corners with your safety.
  • Contracts and receipts are important, it tells the customer what to expect, what is expected of them, and shows they have systems in place.

            Last and Most Important:

  • Who takes the placenta and where is it going? Placentas should always stay with the woman who delivered it. It shouldn’t ever be transported in the encapsulator’s vehicle, go to the encapsulator’s home or “workspace”. Workspace generally means the person’s kitchen, around their spouses, curious pets, kids, and foreign germs. How many kitchens would you eat out of without seeing it? Oh and separate workspace tends to me garage or shed.

It was clear after getting to know Liz that she genuinely cares about people, their safety, and her business very much. Thank you Liz for taking the time to care about others, keeping my identity private, and sharing my story.