How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss

How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss Jacksonville Florida

1 in 4 Women Will Experience Infant & Pregnancy Loss

At some point in life you’ll find yourself wondering how to support someone you care about whose grieving an infant or pregnancy loss. Perhaps it’s you who’s lost a baby and you’re wondering; what sorts of feelings are normal, and what you should share and expect from others during this time. What happens when someone you know is pregnant and they lose their baby, be it 2 weeks or 30 weeks gestation? Losing one of the greatest gifts anyone can be blessed with hurts. Parents will grieve and they’ll need support whether they say so or not.

Life moves on. Meanwhile their life seems to stands still.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.

First Coast Doulas supports families as they bring their babies home and many who never get that chance. We receive more messages and phone calls than you could imagine. People reach out for support and to talk about their loss. We talk with them about what they’re experiencing and about being as comfortable as possible through this difficult time. We also discuss what they might expect next and how their loved ones can support them best.

It’s crystal clear that more people want to know how to support those they care about during pregnancy loss, they just aren’t always sure how.

First, you must understand that supporting others through a loss can pull at your heart strings and may feel awkward.

Imagine how hard it must be for them, they’ve lost their baby. We can do hard things. It will feel terrible and may feel awkward, show your support anyway. Don’t avoid the parents, embrace them. Be prepared to support them in a way that is best for them, not always what you might want. Each loss is different, unique, and tragic. Each baby is special.

Be present for them, even in silence.

Words aren’t always necessary. A silent supporter lets the parents talk, cry, or share any range of feelings they’re experiencing without interjecting their own perception or thoughts. You might make her a glass of warm tea and just be there by her side and acknowledge how much it sucks. There is no need to try and cheer her or fix her. Perhaps you stop by and lend a hand to the partner who is out doing some yard work, little to no words are necessary in this arena. Drop a card in the mail and include a gift card for dinner.

How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss Jax FL | Newborn Jax FL

Talk about their baby, use their baby’s name.

It doesn’t matter how pregnant she was. This little one means everything to its parents. Ask them if they’ve given their baby a name, even if they didn’t know the sex of their baby a name is beautiful way to honor and remember them. When our grandmothers pass away we talk about them and we use their names. We keep their name and spirit alive that way. You can do the same and the parents may appreciate that someone else remembers their baby too!

Do not expect them to celebrate your pregnancy or birth.

Even if this is your best friend, do not expect anything from her during this time. If she does attend your baby shower or comes by after your baby is born to congratulate you, please acknowledge that you know this is difficult for her and that you love her and appreciate her for sharing in your joy.

Never put a timeline on someone else’s pain.

Everyone grieves in their own time. There are stages of grief and people don’t always move through them on the same timeline, some move forward while others move backward and forward. Please do not impose your own ideas on when someone should be “over it”, parents are never over it. They just learn to cope and deal better as time passes, but the place they prepared in their hearts for their baby or babies will always exist.

Tears are more than okay.

In fact, it may be very helpful for her to know that her baby was important and matters to more than just her. Even if you aren’t familiar with the grief of losing a child yourself, knowing you are grieving for her loss because you care so much for her is touching and it just feels good to be loved. Human kindness and compassion goes a long way.

Help out in whatever way you can, but be understanding if they say no.

Bring food, or go grocery shopping. Prepare some food for the family. You might offer to walk her dog or help by tidying up a little. Doing some laundry, taking kids to practice or to and from school help lighten the load. Another mom shares that her co-worker remembered her favorite dessert and she dropped it by with some coffee.

Don’t question or judge her choices. Trying to conceive, waiting to try, and timing are all very, very personal, especially after pregnancy loss. She will share when she is ready.

Allow her to grieve in any way she may need to and time to talk about her loss when she is ready.

Be kind with your words to all, you never know what others are going through.

Don’t forget to acknowledge the person’s partner/spouse.

Don’t dismiss someone’s loss because the pregnancy wasn’t planned or because they have other children.

When you are wondering how to show support through pregnancy loss, please avoid anything that starts or includes:

  • Well, at least…
  • Look at it this way…
  • Maybe this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be…
  • God has other plans…

Replace those with:

  • I’m sorry, that sucks…
  • I can see how much you’re hurting…
  • I’ll never understand why babies are taken away…
  • Your hopes and dreams for your baby were crushed, understandably you are disappointed…

We hope this blog is helpful to you and to those you share it with. In the words of Dr. Seuss, “A person is a person, no matter how small!”

Authored by: Elizabeth Luke

Owner and Doula at First Coast Doulas, LLC

Baby Jax FL | How to Show Support Through Pregnancy Loss

My Baby Won’t Sleep, What Should I Do?

My Baby Won't Sleep Jax FL | Team Sleep Jax FL

My Baby Won’t Sleep, What Should I Do?

One of the first challenges parents face is how to get better sleep. I get emails daily, “Help! My baby won’t sleep, what should I do?” Healthy sleep habits are important! Sure, “Sleep when baby sleeps” they say! Who are “they” and do they actually have children? That could work for a first baby, but second and third babies means you’re likely being worn thin and your entire house may seem to be ruled by one, or maybe even two tiny humans.

Woah! Put the brakes on!

Parenting is hard enough! Doing it on little to no sleep is unreasonable. No one functions well or to their full potential when they aren’t well rested, including your baby bean! Healthy sleep habits are so important. For you, your children, and for the family unit as a whole. By learning and teaching your infant healthy sleep habits early on you are helping them master a life skill!

What an empowering opportunity that is!

From my baby won’t sleep to my baby is sleeping so much better?!

What a feeling!

Did you google, “My baby won’t sleep, what do I do?” Do you believe your baby should be sleeping longer through the night? Are you set on getting off to a great start early on? Do you just want to get more sleep while one of our team members works with your little one on healthy sleep practices? #TeamSleep_Jax is First Coast Doulas’ sleep solution for families in Jacksonville, Florida.

Team members of Team Sleep Jax are certified postpartum doulas who work with families at night specifically to help them get more sleep.

Team Sleep Jax can:

  • listen to your concerns
  • validate your feelings through this process
  • teach you about safer sleep and more healthy sleep habits
  • show you some techniques and give tips
  • help you establish and implement routine and schedule
  • help you to teach your baby the life skill of sleep

Parents who are”at the end of their rope”, “out of ideas”, or who just want to get their babies and their family off to a great start are putting #TeamSleep_Jax on their home team. Together we’re creating more peaceful bedtimes and burning less midnight oil! If you want to learn more about the First Coast Doulas’ dream team we’d love to hear from you! We are happy to set up a complimentary phone consult to learn more about the challenges you’re facing and to match you with the right sleep package!

my baby won't sleep jax fl | Team Sleep Jax

 

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What Do Postpartum Doulas Do?

Postpartum Doulas Jax. FL
www.FirstCoastDoulas.com


What do postpartum doulas do?

Imagine for a few minutes you’ve given birth to your beautiful baby. Your baby is a few hours old. You’re exhausted, hungry for real food, and completely overjoyed with your new tiny bundle of love.

Its two days in now.

You haven’t gotten much sleep at the hospital with all the warm welcomes and nurses massaging your uterus. You and your baby are working hard on feeding, diaper changes, and getting to know each other. You are ready to get back home and rest peacefully together as a new family.

Day three.

You and your baby come home and get settled in, whatever that means to you. More family members stop by with gifts and visit for a short while. Things seem to be overwhelming; you don’t remember the books talking about this part of motherhood. The emotions, the uncertainty, the days seem to all run together now.

It’s becoming more apparent with each passing hour that having someone there to assist you with all the things would be absolutely wonderful right now.

Not just anyone though.

Someone who understands the unique needs of your newborn baby and you, the newly postpartum mother. Someone who believes in your capabilities and instincts and can encourage you and your husband/partner without judgement or their own agenda. Someone there to help you build confidence and keep your sanity, whatever that means to you. Perhaps someone to be your sounding board and shoulder.

That someone is your postpartum doula!

Right about now you’re breathing a sigh of relief knowing your postpartum doula is scheduled to come at the end of the week as your family leaves to go back home to their daily lives.

Postpartum doulas are like comfort food for your soul.

We’re like a warm cup of tea on a dreary day, the very best chocolate cake, and fresh sheets on your bed after a very long week. Postpartum doulas know life will look different from client to client and day to day. We assist with the things that take your focus away from what matters the most to you.

First Coast Doulas postpartum doulas help you enjoy your post-birth experience more! Contact us today!

Doula Support Doesn’t End Where An Epidural Begins

Doula Support Doesn't End Where An Epidural Begins jax placenta

Doula Support Doesn’t End Where An Epidural Begins…At Least Not With First Coast Doulas

I remember it vividly. There I was standing at my client’s bedside plugging her phone in so it could charge up when her doctor says to me with a smile, “I guess you can go home now since she got the epidural!”

Wait, what? I did a double take to make sure he was actually speaking to me, and he was.

“Why would I do that? She’s was 6 centimeters dilated at last check and seems to be making good progress. There are lots of ways I can support them even with an epidural. Doula support doesn’t end where an epidural begins. Why would I leave?” I replied.

My client, she quickly chimmed in, “Don’t go anywhere. We need you here. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Her husband agreed.

What the doctor said next sort of surprised me, “Most doulas leave when the patient gets an epidural since doulas are against medication.”

A conversation ensued. Turns out, according to this doctor most doulas that come through the hospital while he was the physician on call left when an epidural was administered to his patients, their clients.

Honestly, I can’t say that I’m shoked, because I’ve heard it before from doctors, nurses, and even from a couple doulas themselves. I’d like to believe that the doulas just panicked and regretted it and learned from their mistakes, but still, where does that leave the birthing woman and her partner (if she had one)?

I’ve also had people tell me that their doula left them or made them feel horrible for opting to get an epidural, other pain medication, or for needing or choosing cesarean birth. It’s also not unusual to hear someone speak of doulas as if they’re only valueable when a person wants to birth “all-naturally”!

Well, that’s shit! Straight up, utter bullshit!

I’m not shocked, but I am disgusted. When couples contract with First Coast Doulas they know without a shadow of a doubt that they are getting unconditional, non-judgmental, full and complete support. They know that their doula comes to them agenda-free and ready to serve and support them in a way that is unique to them. Doula support doesn’t end where an epidural begins!

Our clients know our value and happily purchase doula support services with us because they know that there are no do-overs in birth, this is a once in a lifetime experience, they get it! They want the very best and know where to find just that!

The fact that the word non-judgemental has to be used along with support is gross to be honest! The term “non-judgemental support” seems like an oxymoron. Think about it.

Just to be absolutely 10o% clear, when hiring First Coast Doulas your birth belongs to you in every way! We will never try to “know better” than you. We will not try to “push or sway” you, or give you misinformation.

It’s your journey! It’s not about what anyone else wants or thinks.

Whether you have goals and a vision or you just want to wing, we got you! We support and encourage you and your partner in pregnancy, labor, birth, and even the fourth trimester!  We do not leave you if your plan changes or you opt for pain medication.

So, how does First Coast Doulas “support” you if you choose or need an epidural or cesarean birth? The same way we support you without one:

  • fully and completely
  • one on one
  • with encouragement
  • we help you understand your options
  • create a plan and navigate if your plan changes
  • emotional support is HUGE with or without an epidural
  • help you stay relaxed
  • can help you focus
  • help you breath more effectively
  • usinging pros and cons
  • explaining each new process
  • positioning, you’re not limited to your back!
  • comfort measures, not every epidural works, there is still some discomfort/pain in most cases

Are there actual physical ways we can support you? You betcha!

Furthermore, we do all of this while also supporting and encouraging your partner so he/she can be more comfortable and an intricate part of the experience!

With First Coast Doulas, Doula support doesn’t end where an epidural begins. Hire the best, hire First Coast Doulas!

 

Doulas & Epridurals

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta! Will You Do the Same?

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta, placenta encapsulation jax, fl

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta! Will You Do the Same?

Star of The Bachelorette eats her placenta, will you? That’s a question many pregnant moms are asking themselves and each other. Okay, hold on just one minute, first let’s address the verbiage used. And you can say eat, ingest, consume, whatever your preference is just go with it for a few minutes. I encourge you to stay open-minded!

With the recent news of Jillian Harris (stared on The Bachelor & Bachelorette) blogging about her personal experience with placenta encapsulation and Anna Williamson sharing her plans to ingest her placenta I decided now is the perfect time to release the results of the poll First Coast Doulas did earlier this year. We polled 25 people about their personal experience with placenta encapsulation with First Coast Doulas.

 

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta jacksonville, FL
Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta capsules, jax
Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta jax placenta

I find that this poll and the results are extremely powerful! A win for families!

The only down side to what Jillian mentions in her blog and Anna mentions in her interview is the pickup of their placentas and drop-off of their pills, because again, those are not the standards by which First Coast Doulas or our certifying organization operates. I’m sorry, not sorry. I can’t let you leave here without mentioning it’s simply isn’t the highest standards, but whatev! To each their own?!

There are a few things I often tell people about placenta encapsulation.

First, professional placenta encapsulation with First Coast Doulas is like an insurance policy for after birth. When done properly it can’t hurt you, only help you! You may feel great after birth and in the weeks and months to come, or you may not. There are no do overs, once your placenta is gone, it’s gone!

Secondly, it’s the service everyone is purchasing, but not many people are talking about! Other celebrities have spoken out, and about half of our clients share openly. For every one of them who share though there those who that stay private about it, because let’s face it, who wants to be judged or questioned after they give birth? Noone!

Placenta encapsulation is that little buffer, and who doesn’t need that?!

First Coast Doulas has the highest standards in place for our clients. We’re the very safest in the Jacksonville, FL area and we deliver the best experience, not just a service.

The star of The Bachelorette eats her placenta, and if you are considering the same, or just have questions, contact us today and let us tell you more about this placenta encapsulation!

Star of The Bachelorette Eats Her Placenta jax placenta

 

Getting Your Baby to Sleep, Tonight

getting your baby to sleep tonight doula jax fl

Getting Your Baby to Sleep, Tonight

When my kids were newborns I could set my clock by them. They would wake every 2-3 hours. The oldest would wake each morning at 5:30am and be awake for a few hours before being ready for sleep once more. For a mom who is NOT a morning person, this was an absolute nightmare.

I had no clue to how put them back to sleep so I just sucked up the sleep deprivation and would rock them for what felt like hours trying to get them back to sleep. That is until I discovered Dr. Harvey Karp’s book The Happiest Baby on the Block.

It was heaven! My baby was falling asleep in fifteen minutes instead of the usual forty-five, and she was sleeping more soundly. This meant mom and dad were also getting better sleep. We were happier all around.

Without going too in depth, Here are the 5 things to know about getting your baby to sleep, tonight. These are the concepts associated with Karp’s sleep ideology.

  1. Swaddling

Babies are used to being curled up in a cramped space. Swaddling mimics that feeling. However, it is becoming increasingly recommended to practice safe swaddling techniques so please consult with your primary care physician or your doula for how to get that perfect swaddle.

 

  1. Side

It is easiest to get a baby to sleep when they are on their side or stomach. That’s why babies enjoy being rocked in someone’s arms and they clam down when placed on their stomach over someone’s arm. By holding the baby stomach to stomach, you are putting them in a position that is most comfortable for them.

 

  1. Shhhhhhhh

It is incredibly loud in the womb. Between the swooshing sound of your heart, the sounds of food digesting in the stomach, and outside noises it is almost deafening. When a baby is born we try to keep everyone quiet whereas adding some white noise will actually help getting baby to sleep a lot easier.

 

  1. Swinging

We naturally bounce babies in our arms or on our shoulder when trying to soothe them. This movement mimics the womb and is comforting to your baby. A baby’s enjoyment of this particular movement is the exact reason many babies sleep better while in the swing.

 

  1. Sucking

Babies do a lot of sucking in the womb- on their fingers, practicing breathing, practicing drinking, etc. When they are born they are only given a bottle, breast, or pacifier to suck when they are upset and not at will like they’re used to. By giving a baby something to suck on while getting your baby to sleep, it will make the process go much smoother.

Getting a baby to sleep can seem like a daunting task, especially for new parents. There are lots of ways to help get a baby to sleep, but this is the method that I have, personally, found to be most successful. Best of luck!

 

ChristineAuthor: Christine Santos, Sun State Doulas

Christine Santos is a labor and postpartum doula, placenta encapsulation specialist, and photographer serving Central Florida. She knows a thing or two about getting your baby to  sleep!

Christine owns Sun State Doulas in Lakeland, Florida. She is a passionate leader, but also loves working as a cohesive part of a team that provides unwavering support to families in the Tampa area. She also loves playing on a roller derby team and is known as the “Derby Doula”

 

Postpartum Sadness

 Postpartum Sadness

Authored by Elizabeth Luke

postpartum sadness jax fl

Postpartum Sadness

I’m often asked if I have suggestions for natural ways to deal with postpartum sadness. I absolutely do! Not only will I share those with you, but I am including a free printable with you at the end of the blog. Don’t forget to print it and hang it somewhere you’ll see it and use it!

First Coast Doulas brings love light and laughter to birth and parenting and love energy, and healing after birth! With that in mind here are my suggestions for combating normal postpartum sadness:

 

Rest

Rest as much and as often as possible and sleep when you can! You may not fully understand that suggestion until you are living that life. This might mean short, frequent increments or a few longer stretches. Also, skin to skin time with you baby is beneficial to you both. Snuggling and resting together is one way to help strengthen your bond.

postpartum sadness best doulas in jax

Shower Power

Every day! Besides smelling “so fresh and so clean, clean” {I hear Outkast in my head}, how much more relaxed and revived do you feel when you get a nice warm shower? Feels pretty damn good, right?! Well, birthing a baby and caring for his, her or their needs is work. Getting a shower helps you transform from mom zombie back to the land of the living! Make it high priority everyday even if you’re going back to bed!

placenta jacksonville postpartum sadness

Get Out

Getting outside a couple times each day helps you see the world in new light so to speak! Whether it’s on your own front porch with your feet up or taking a short stroll around the block you benefit and so does your little one! Say “hi” to a neighbor! Who knows you may make a new friend in an unlikely place. Find other parents and talk with them; whatever you do don’t shut yourself in.

placenta jacksonville postpartum sadness

Find Your Path

When you became pregnant the stories and advice began. It continues after you deliver your baby. Lots of great advice out there and not so great advice too! Save yourself a lot of time and energy by trusting yourself. I promise you, YOU ARE ENOUGH! No one knows it all, no one right way is best. I encourage you to trust your own judgement.

postpartum sadness jacksonville placenta

 

Me Time

Whether you enjoy solitude or prefer to think of it as “me, myself, and I time”, do something for yourself each day that lasts 20-30 minutes. Purpose and make time every day.  Perhaps you struggle with feeling like you don’t deserve that fraction of time for yourself each day. Well, it’s not all about you! It benefits your entire family unit when you feel better. Your baby feels your energy! Need ideas? Soak in the tub, do yoga, read, dance, write, paint, take a slow drive and listen to music or chat with an encouraging friend by phone. Get a facial. Skies the limit!

postpartum sadness jax fl

 

Deep Breathes

Lots of them. New parents are super sensitive to the cries of their newborn. You’ve heard other newborns cry and you don’t remember it that way, right?! Well, your baby’s cries are for you! Your Spidey senses can be overwhelming, remember lots of deep breathes! Deep breathes help with mental clarity, stress relief, and it decreases your blood pressure. Oh and it feels nice!

A newborn baby’s last effort is crying. Focusing on their cues before they begin crying can help you learn them and their needs, and believe me you will, it just takes time. Once they’re crying and aren’t easily consolable parents can feel a sense of panic or urgency to “fix” the problem.  However, sometimes you’ve done all the things and they still cry its o.k.  Be patient with yourself, take deep breathes, you do the best you can, and repeat.

deep breathes postpartum sadness jax

I could wrap up the blog now… but I just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t share with you what I beleive so passionately in! I’ll make it short.

Two things:

Professional Placenta Encapsulation

With First Coast Placenta can help you heal faster, have more energy and living the life you love! We are providing this service in the absolute safest most beneficial way possible!

Professional Postpartum Doula Support

I’ve saved the best for last! Be proactive in your approach. Prepare for the life you want now before it hits you in the face!  There’s no way to know for certain which challenges will lie ahead, but no doubt you’ll face them.

Hire First Coast Doulas for exceptional support through pregnancy, birth, and well into the first year after birth! Studies corroborate having professional support through these delicate years’ impacts families for generations. Hire First Coast Doulas, feel supported, have more of your needs met, and get more rest!

Repeat after me, “This is today. This is not yesterday, tomorrow, or forever. This is my life, I’ll find my own path and write my own story!”

While some bouts of sadness after birth can be normal some are out of the range of normal and require the person to discuss what they’re feeling with a medical professional for diagnosis, and possible treatment plan. This blog is not intended to, nor should it replace medical care.

Get the Postpartum Printable!

Improving Postpartum Sadness

 

 

The CDC reports 1 in 10 women experience postpartum depression. This number doesn’t include those who “keep quiet” out of fear of being judged or locked away. This number doesn’t include mothers who have given birth to a stillborn baby or who suffered loss during pregnancy. It also doesn’t include those who are battling, struggling, or suffering with postpartum psychosis, OCD, PTSD, anxiety, or other perinatal mood disorders. If those things were included we would be looking at a number much higher. Most likely around 20%.

What Women Need After Birth Is…

What Women Need After Birth Is…

what women need after birth is, Jax, FL

Elizabeth Luke, owner of First Coast Doulas asked 48 women and 24 men to answer this question, “What women need after birth is  __________.” You might be able to relate to their answers, or they may just catch you off guard and make you go hhmmm.

First Coast Doulas knows the challenges new families face.

Every experience is different and unique. We know that just because things went awry during birth or afterwards once doesn’t mean you are destine to that next go around, there’s support available. Preparing for what possibly lies ahead can mean the difference between feeling supported and having your voice heard versus feeling alone and like you had no say or support in your corner.

Without further ado here are 72 answers to the question, “What women need after birth is __________?

 

The women who were polled answered the question, “What women need after birth is ___________?”

* number of women with the same answer

  • someone to feed my older kids
  • a laundry fairy *4
  • someone to show me ways to care for and soothe my baby (you can only learn so much from books and videos) *2
  • someone at home with me so I didn’t have to be alone, no one should “have” to be alone after giving birth
  • someone to listen *3
  • food: healthy, warm food
  • two more arms and wine
  • support with breastfeeding
  • someone to care for the baby so I could play with my other children
  • freedom to cry and not get questioned
  • more time off work *5
  • my friends and family to help me without having to ask them *3
  • someone to hold my baby so I could shower *5
  • “a bottle washer I hated washing those damn bottles with a baby in the NICU”
  • someone to help at night, just at night
  • energy to do things *5
  • someone to get the older kids ready for school and do homework with them
  • to hold my baby first *2
  • time to myself, for myself, space
  • sleep *6
  • a pediatrician that understood breastfeeding *2

The men who were polled answered the question, “What women need after birth is____________?”

* number of men with the same answer

pain meds and those ice pack pad things

  • peace and quiet *2
  • food, my wife needed pizza *2, but only 1 said pizza
  • a trophy
  • sleep *5
  • their mother or sister because I didn’t understand any of it
  • time alone with the baby to bond *3
  • their husband *3
  • chocolate
  • more maternity leave *3
  • people around who respect her decisions *2
  • the bed to herself

First Coast Doulas offers services to help you reach your goals for birth and postpartum.

Do you know what a postpartum doula does? Probably not, most people don’t! Do you know what almost every single client we’ve had says? Go ahead take a guess, please!

It’s something along the lines of, “I had no idea this service was available”, or “where were you when I had my first?”

We get calls from women who’ve given birth and most of the time they expected they would bounce back rather quickly and life would be an easy transition. Either because they bounced back with their first, “Marcy and Tina went right back to work and life”, or they just really had no idea of what to expect. After all this is an all new territory, remember every birth is different.

While loved ones and friends get back to their own jobs, lives, and obligations, First Coast Doulas make you their top priority!

First Coast Doulas can support you with latching your baby at birth.

We’re knowledgeable about breastfeeding, helping you care for your newborn, and healing after birth.

We can lay out all the options so you can choose what’s best for you and your baby!

We help create a safe space for women to talk and unload as needed.

We help moms eat healthier snacks, help the family understand what they can do to help, help tidy up a little, and help keep that laundry fairy in check!

First Coast Doulas helps mothers, babies, and partners have an easier transition after birth!

First Coast Placenta is bring love, energy, and healing to women after birth.

 

When and How Do We Stop

When and How Do We Stop

When and How Do We Stop Jax FL

When and How Do We Stop

As postpartum doulas, families ask us all the time, “When and how do we stop __________”? You can fill in the blank with rocking them to sleep, nursing them to sleep, singing them to sleep, giving them a bottle, letting them sleep in our room, etc.

As parents we all want the change to be painless for our children and ourselves.

For some families that means taking as much time as needed to transition, for others it means they draw their line hard and fast.

So the answer to when and how starts with who and what.

Who you, your partner, and your children are and of course what you want for your family; what are your goals. Once we know this we can help you find solutions!

Here are some questions to help you find an approach that works for you and your family!

Find which of these sounds most like you and go with it, but keep in mind your baby/toddler/child may be the opposite of you. You’ll need to find a balance, after all it needs to be what is best for the family unit, but making it best for baby may mean smoother for all!

Do you normally try things expecting quick results and move on to something new fairly quickly if what you tried didn’t work the first time? Are you direct or blunt? Do you normally trust your gut or intuition?

Yes! Then my suggestions would be to trust your gut, try several things and see what seems to get better results than others. Once you’ve narrowed your options down the real work begins. It will require patience, sensitivity, and consistency for a set time. If after a set time no progress is being made move on to the next thing your gut tells you may work.

Do you find yourself asking friends or people within your social circle what works for them? When you succeed do you love to shout it from the roof tops and want recognition?

Yes! Then my suggestions are to do some research by way of socializing with friends about what worked for them and just get started. Stay focused on the results you want to see. Keep with one way for a given time and seek support of your closest friends to hold you accountable.

Do you look to your significant other for their acceptance or for new ideas? Do you prefer your partner make most of decisions regarding places to go eat or a paint color for the house? Do you value friendships and stability?

Yes! Then I would suggest making a list of the ways this transition will benefit your family. Then with your partner’s suggestions follow their lead and follow through. Be the kind, compassionate person you are, but remain steady. If what you’re doing isn’t working after a given time seek guidance from your partner again.

Do you value systems? Are you analytical and seek out facts and evidence? Do you find you are skeptical of things more times than not?

Yes! Then you’ve probably already sought out your options and compiled a detailed list to help you reach your goals.  If you haven’t already, list them in order of which you would like to try each one. The list could include the idea or concept, the number of times each week/day you want to try said idea, and the duration for which you will try each. Step out of your comfort zone and be prepared to change plans quickly when plan A and B aren’t getting it. Your plan C is to think quickly. You may need to delegate. Make your lists easy for others to understand so they can help you implement the ideas. You will need to let go of some responsibility and allow others to step up.

Ultimately my suggestion to a wider audience would be to stop when your heart or gut tells you it’s time! Re-direction, positive reinforcement, and consistency are usually the key to change.

That can mean stopping when your child makes it clear they are ready or you are sure you are ready. There are several approaches. You could do it all at once and go cold turkey or take it nice and slow through the transition.

I think the best way to go about it is to trust yourself as a parent and do what feels right for your family. There will, without a doubt, come a time when your baby just won’t “need” you to _____________ anymore.

They’re only little once!