Posts in category Sex

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby Jax FL | Best Doulas Jax FL

Secrets to Having Great Sex when Your Baby Is Nearby

Are there really secrets to having great sex when your baby is nearby? In the beginning new parents sometimes feel disconnected from sex while others do not skip a beat. Both are completely normal, not everyone is ready to engage in sex again at the same time. As long as you aren’t staying in valley too long or taking risks with your health and body in those early weeks, where you fall on the scale is probably pretty normal! For most parents if you want to have time for sex you have to make time, and get creative! You might be wondering if having sex when your baby is nearby by is even possible, it totally is!

So let’s just get right down to business so you can get down to business! Sex is a normal, healthy part of life. It can give you a release that is healing and helpful. Sex can be centered on your partner with no interest in self-gratification too. Sex is about connection, not always about orgasms and thrills! You can learn so much about yourself and your partner during sex through open communication and a trust.

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby #1:

Extra Nap or Nap Extended!

Routines and schedules are proven to be beneficial. Sometimes though it’s perfectly healthy to let go of the routine and be “spontaneous”. Let your baby take an extra nap or sleep another hour now and again and engage in some adult activity! It can break up the monotony and create little sparks here and there! Heck maybe even enjoy a glass of wine while you’re at it!

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby #2:

Room Divider for Room Sharing, not Sex Shaming!

For the room sharing parents, if “All Eyez on Me,” isn’t your thing don’t worry! You don’t need to be Tupac Shakur to feel the “Changes” that parenthood brings! [Cheesy rapper references used] Younger infants have exactly no idea what sex is, no remembrance of their parents bouncing and moaning, and there have been no studies to ever show it will have any effects on them whatsoever.

If your infants tiny eyes are making it hard for you or your partner to disconnect from the rational part of your brains, the neocortex, and slip into the primal, instinctual part of your brain, the Limbic system then a blind fold or room divider are cheap and easy ways to take eyes off your infant and connect with your partner!

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby #3:

Make Play time, “Playtime”!

As parents we are ALWAYS looking for ways to get a damn shower! Instead of engaging in playtime with your baby today or this hour, why not make shower time double duty?! Put baby in his/her rock n play or bouncer in the bathroom, grab your favorite water proof vibrator, or you know your partner if he/she is home, and jump in the shower! Great sex can happen alone too! A quickie in the shower while your baby plays safely in ear and eye shot from you can be exhilarating as well as refreshing! Double the pleasure!

First Coast Doulas knows you’re human. You have desires, and sometimes no desire! We know what it’s like to need time with your partner, alone! As postpartum doulas we help parents live the healthiest lives possible. Sex is important, kids are important, your marriage or partnership is important, and YOU are important!

At First Coast Doulas our brand is built on the motto, “First Love Yourself,” and we mean it! It’s ok to put your needs and desires first sometimes, your kids will have happier parents because of it; your family will be healthier because you loved yourself first!

Happy birth and parenting from the best doulas in Jax. FL

 

First Coast Placenta Services, What’s That About?!

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First Coast Doulas has expanded!

Our professionalism, safe practices, and compassion make us extraordinary! People, including healthcare providers love the way we’re providing placenta encapsulation. This part of First Coast Doulas has grown so much so that we’ve decided to branch into First Coast Placenta! We unveiled at The Prego Expo in Jax. this past Sunday!

placenta capsules jax fl

Have you ever heard of placenta encapsulation?

Yes? No? Well, let me tell you all about it!

After birthing your baby you will also birth your placenta. The placenta is the life sustaining element between yourself and your baby. Many women give very little thought, if any to their placenta. It’s not uncommon to think back on your birth and wonder how you didn’t see it, since after all you birthed it.

Your placenta is discarded as medical waste, used in cosmetic products, and even used in stem cell research. OR it can be used to nourish the mother after birth. Full of nutrients it’s made perfectly by you, for you!

Bizarre I know!

Not only is it not gross or weird at all, but it also makes complete sense if you really think about it!

In very simple terms placenta encapsulation is a process which involves making an all natural supplement from one’s own placenta. The placenta is handled respectfully, and in a safe manner, dried, ground into a powder, and put into capsules. The placenta capsules are made for the woman who grew it, not anyone else. Your capsules last approximately six weeks and after that, if you had a tincture made you can use that to extend the benefits!

PLACENTA SERVICES placenta capsules jacksonville, florida

Benefits Include:

  • lowering the risk or symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety
  • helps boost your milk supply
  • reduces bleeding and helps your body heal faster
  • #1 reported benefit- Energy

How is First Coast Placenta doing things differently?!

First Coast Placenta not only follows the strictest guidelines and highest standards, is dual trained and certified, and upholds our ethical responsibilities, but we also provide an added layer of protection.

First Coast Placenta’s No Doubt Policy guarantees and that the placenta your ingesting (taking into your body by mouth) is yours and noone else’s.

Our clients trust us to handle their placenta with great care, to honor their placenta, and to stay up to date on new information as it becomes available, but we’re the only ones in Jacksonville that can guarantee the placenta our clients ingest is their own because our clients remain in possession of their placenta at all times, every time.

Every encapsulation we do happens in the client’s home only, every time.

When we are hired we meet our clients face to face, provide a transport kit, paperwork, and a way to discuss their decision with their provide. Healthcare workers love the way we are providing this and many our trusting us to handle their placenta encapsulation because they love that we set the highest standards in Jacksonville, Florida.

Your birth team will bag and label your placenta and you don’t have to see it at all, unless you want to, in which case you just ask. You, your partner, mother, or other family member takes your placenta home within 24 hours after birth and put it in the fridge. You contact us and we schedule a time to come to your home to put your placenta into capsules!

Yep, in your own home!

REMEMBER- you can be as involved (view or handle your placenta), or as removed (you don’t have to see it at all) from the process as you wish to be.

Our clients love safety, transparency, and how much thought we put into the experience!

We provide this service to first time moms and fifth time moms alike. Most of our clients are moms that have given birth before. They tell us that this time around they would like help healing and feeling better faster than before and they aren’t writing off placenta capsules for sake of the “weird” factor.

First Coast Placenta has taken the weird right out of it!

We tell all of our clients that these are the non-magic, magical pills! You still need to set yourself up for the best fourth trimester possible. Placenta capsules work best in conjunction with taking care of yourself during those first six weeks after birth.

Placenta encapsulation with First Coast Placenta is affordable and starts at just $250 which can be broken into two payments.

First Coast Placenta bringing love, energy, and healing after birth!

How to Sleep with A Newborn; We Have A Package for That!

How to Sleep with A Newborn; We Have A Package for That!

how to sleep with a newborn jacksonville florida

Life with a newborn can be crazy, beautiful, and oh so exhausting. Someone I know, Chelsea, once said, “I made it by on long blinks! Just kidding” It’s incredible how very little sleep the human body can operate on, but that’s no way to operate! Parents need rest to feel their best and to be able to function with a clear head.

Sleep and babies aren’t always something that goes hand in hand and many families think sleep, rest, and relaxation are things they have to sacrifice until their babies are much older. That is one option.

Another option is to take shifts. I know that doesn’t always work when one parent is the bread winner or both have to be up early to work.

Some parents call in the reinforcement of grandparents! Gotta love ’em! I know we do, but some of our clients have reservations. We get it and respect that!

You’re not alone!

One group of parents we talked to said their parents are clueless as to what “wearing a baby” means or what changing baby diapers consists of today. Being a grandparent should be fun, random, and not come with lots of obligations of babysitting.

We get it!

That’s why we created another option. Created by parents, for new parents with balance in mind. First Coast Doulas offers an R&R package. R&R is an abbreviation for rest and relaxation and this yummy package does not disappoint!

Grandparents love gifting this package to their kids! They love their kids and want them to sleep well, be happy, have a great marriage, and raise happy babies.

So, the next time you or someone you know are trying to figure out how to sleep with a newborn, remember First Coast Doulas R&R Package!

Have the best of it all; your baby, your rest, and your sanity!

It’s amazing what a little R&R can do for you!

Curious what the R&R Package includes? Contact us and let’s talk!

 

how to sleep with a newborn jacksonville florida

Stuck In My Head Sex

Stuck In My Head Sex

The first time this ever happened to me I was pregnant. There I was naked, sporting a larger than normal belly, feeling less sexy than my pre-pregnant self, not really feeling too desirable, and about to have sex.

What was happening, I was really turned on, but it wasn’t like pre-pregnancy, hot, steamy, I need you NOW kind of turned on. Weird, I thought to myself.

The first time or two this happened I chalked it up to no big deal, crazy pregnancy hormones, I was somewhat correct in that. Then I began to be more mindful of it, each time it sat there in the front of my brain. Why couldn’t I let go of my inhibitions and reach climax?

Then I realized I was overthinking it and it was frustrating.

I was experiencing what I later named, “stuck in my head sex!”

Well, this started to happen more frequently and each time I was reassured I was sexy, that everything from foreplay to intercourse felt amazing, same applied to what I was experiencing, and yet still I was struggling with stuck in my head sex. When I say, “Stuck in my head sex” I mean, you want to orgasm, it feels great, but you just can’t make it over that wall to ecstasy.

I know woman can relate because I’ve heard these challenges mentioned a time or two and when I hear it I’m like, YEAH, I get it, stuck in your own head, sex!

Like he tried all his best moves, we were in positions that worked extremely well normally yet there I was stuck in my own head not able to orgasm. That feeling of I want to orgasm, but disconnecting from my neocortex (my rational mind) to allow my Limbic system (my instinctual mind) to take over just wasn’t happening automatically.

Why not?! Why couldn’t I let go?

I feared I may be doomed to this forever! Was this some kind of karma coming back on me, LOL?

Being a professional doula and having done lots of reading and research. I know:

  • Decrease or increase in sexual drive during pregnancy is normal.
  • Sex is generally less desirable in the first and third trimester than in the second.
  • Dryness or extreme wetness can occur vaginally.
  • Gas and peeing a little during sex (and every time you do just about anything) is normal, especially in the last trimester.
  • Some women report pain during sexual intercourse while pregnant.

These things are a wide variety of normal during pregnancy and most of the time they relieve after birth, women are not doomed to this forever.

So, this feeling of, “Am I doomed” was non-sense, but I felt it therefor it was real, and valid!

It’s also true that the same hormones that are present in labor and birth are present during sex. So oxytocin is responsible for helping with orgasm and that overwhelming feeling of love, and endorphins are those hormones that help you relax and become more in the moment for birth and sex, and help to contribute to that slightly sleepy feeling after sex and birth (once that high wears off).

Those hormones help to allow your rational mind to take a back seat to your instinctual mind. When adrenaline is present in labor and birth, they can stall or stop a woman’s labor completely. Can you guess what happens in sex? You guessed it; orgasm can become hard or impossible to reach.

So, I need to let go of my rational mind, and let my instinctual mind take over, I really needed to figure this out. This stuck in my own head thing was starting to impact him too, he was worried he was losing his touch, that perhaps I wasn’t as “in” to him, and even expressing that perhaps it would be our new normal, WHAT?! No way. You know men and their egos, we love them dearly, but their egos can become affected.

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So, HOW? How do let instincts take over?

I put some real thought into what may be holding me back from letting instincts take over, from going over that wall, and came to the conclusion that I was feeling a little insecure because so much was changing inside me, and outside. It was happening so fast it was almost hard for me to accept.

So, I know you likely came here to find out what, if anything worked.

Well I had to change up some things to find what worked. Normally sex in fun places at spontaneous times was great for us, but during this time of transition it didn’t. Here’s are some things that may help;

  • Remove all expectations from yourself (time, orgasm, being able do specific things, etc.)
  • Make sure you try to empty your bladder.
  • Black out the room. (black out curtains, lights out, doors shut etc.)
  • On the opposite end maybe you could benefit from lights on, maybe you will benefit more from the visual.
  • Turn on and up some sounds like specific music, or nature sounds, etc.
  • Spend some extra time kissing and just being together.
  • Try different positions. Side lying, elevated with pillows under your bottom, and on you being on top may be more effective and enjoyable to you. Try them all!
  • Getting creative. For example before this pregnancy I was able to orgasm faster with penetrative sex, I found that sometimes with this pregnancy I enjoyed non-penetrative sex or outercourse better. That’s not to say we didn’t have intercourse, but
  • Changing my views on sex helped me tremendously:
    • Reminding myself that the end outcome is more about making a connection and growing closer to each another than it is about the physical act of orgasm.
    • I found solidarity just knowing that I am not alone in this, many women experience this same struggle during pregnancy and it’s a temporary thing.
  • If you really feel like you are reaching your breaking point you can try coming to the show alone, or to be more direct, masturbation, either alone or with an audience. There is nothing wrong with that at all!

 

DISCLAIMER- Always make sure that you have been given the go ahead from your provider to have sex during your pregnancy before attempting anything mentioned here.

Did you enjoy this blog? Let us know about it. We love to share stories and experiences! Leave us a comment here on our blog or on our facebook page and we will be sure to respond to you.

What We Learned Pulling Out!

What We Learned Pulling Out! | Birth Control Options | Doulas in Jax.

What We Learned Pulling Out!

After birthing three children and adopting a fourth my husband and I talked about the risks of certain birth control. I had been on hormonal birth control a better part of 16 years. Together we decided it would be best for me to stop taking hormonal birth control. Our pursuit to find a non invasive, non hormonal form of birth control began.

I feel it’s important to state that we both trust each other, do not have other sexual partners, and we have been this way for the length of our relationship of more than a decade. We both are consenting adults and we both know the risks involved.

We decided to use a variation or combination of birth control options. Condoms, the pulling out method, and Vaginal Contraceptive Films (VCF) were the finalists. Which we used depended on a number of different things such as; my fertility, our desire and level of self control at the time, whether either of us have consumed any alcohol (which we rarely do) and how long it has been since the last time he ejaculated.

For those interested in the effectiveness of the pulling out method (Withdraw method) and others mentioned here, read the information below that I have included for you. There are also links for you to read about risks and benefits to each method mentioned so you can decide for yourself if any or none of these would work best for you and your partner!

Back to what we learned.

Practice may be required! Those damn films are sticky and tend to stick to your finger when you attempt to insert it “quickly/swiftly”, heck slowly is a challenge too. Why didn’t I buy the foam?!

Patience and self control are things I have worked on over the last 20 years and they aren’t easy for me. My husband has the self control and patience of a saint, while I on the other hand am about as patient as a kid on Christmas morning. I want that package dang it! A couple songs lyrics play in my mind, “Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh”, “You shook me all night long”! Waiting 15 minutes for those films to dissolve and do their magic can seem like for-e-ver when you are ready to do the damn thing!

Good things come to those who wait though.

OH YEAH! My body trembles and I can literally hear and feel the orgasm that is to come!

The foreplay has gotten better, we’ve learned each others bodies all over again, the connection has gotten better and the understanding of each others likes and dislikes has gotten better. Oh, and locking the door and saying screw it to the rest of the world has helped us be more positive in our lives over all!

We learned that taking this time for each other is a damn good thing for our health and our relationship! We found ourselves again!!! Luckily we realize what we had slowly pushed aside over the last decade between raising kids, caring for two relatives who have now passed away, working night shift, and being on call essentially 24/7 running a business.

In our search for non-hormonal birth control we found so much more!

When used alone, the pulling out method is about 73% effective at preventing pregnancy.

Pulling out does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases or infections.

Of every 100 women whose partners use are pulling out, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly. Of every 100 women whose partners use the pulling out method, 27 will become pregnant each year if they don’t always do it correctly.

Pre-ejaculation, or pre-cum is believed to contain enough sperm to result in pregnancy. If men urinate between ejaculations and having sex again it is thought to clear the urethra of sperm and lessen the amount of sperm in the pre-cum.

VCF, when used alone is not very effective. It’s between 70-80% effective, but when used with condoms we are talking 97% effective at preventing pregnancy.

Condoms alone are about 85% effective.

I love Laci Green, check her out!

 

Birth Control/Withdraw

Birth Control/Spermicide

Contraceptive/Withdraw

Contraceptive/Spermicide

 

Mommy’s Vagina and Daddy’s Rope; A Child-Led Approach

There we were, standing nude in the shower and she said, “mommy, I’m glad I have a vagina like you and not a rope like daddy!”

Yeah, that just happened, words spoken by my daughter who was then three years old.

What was I to do, naturally I laughed and she laughed, together we had a nice giggle and then I explained, “mommy has a vagina, like you, we are females, and daddy has a penis, like your brothers, they are males. You identified one difference between males and females. There are other differences too.” This conversation was child-led.

She said, “I know, you have breasts so you can breastfeed!”

Smart child!

We were already well into raising three boys when our daughter was born , our youngest son was 10. With them I used the same words I grew up hearing; pee pee, tally-wacker, and balls to describe their genitalia and avoided using the anatomically correct words like penis and testicles, but why?

I had NEVER considered it, I just called it what I was always use to hearing, because well pee pee and balls sound so much less offensive than the other words I hear so often in our society like; dick and nut sack, seriously folks imagine the calls I would be getting from the school!

In hindsight introducing them to anatomically correct words and correct terminology at a young age would have been the better choice. Let’s just say child-led would have been felt more natural because as the boys grew into young men and “the talks” got even more awkward, I forced myself to “talk” about “it”, you know the “birds and the bees”…

Wait, see their it goes again, the “I’ve always done it that way”vomit! STOP already!

My point? Let this happen naturally, let your children lead! Talk with your baby/toddler as your change their diapers, when they shower or bathe with you, when they walk into your room or bathroom or go to the doctors with you! Letting your child lead is way less awkward then walking into your preteens room one day and saying, “listen, we need to talk about sex!”

As we raise our daughter I have learned that child-led introduction to anatomically correct words and terminology is important. That open line of communication is important to me because it means I can answer all of her questions honestly with ease! I can be a resource for her as she leads. I can TEACH my child and not have to worry about where she will learn these things, because she is going to learn, about sex, the language, and how she views herself.

I want her to feel comfortable talking with me and being able to correctly describe what is happening in and on her own body when needed. I want her to understand her body and the body of her sexual partner(s). I want her learning to be self-led , and natural, I want the truth and her knowledge to be empowering for her!!

There is freedom in knowledge! This freedom is the new american dream!

So here is a list of some anatomically correct words and terminology we use when talking about our bodies that may be helpful to you and your children;

  • penis-talk with his as you change
  • testicles
  • vagina
  • vulva
  • labia
  • clitoris
  • anus
  • breasts
  • menstruation
  • kissing
  • sexual intercourse
  • masturbation
  • sperm
  • semen
  • smegma
  • orgasm

Here are some ways to get started:

  • Let the introduction be child-led.
  • Use the correct terms and words, sort of nonchalant, chances are your child one won’t scoff at it. If your children are older it may feel a little strange if you have used this child-led approach before , but it’s doable and remember why you set out to have the talks to being with!
  • Answer their questions directly, using appropriate terms.
  • Don’t drag out the answers giving way more information than they were originally seeking, unless you truly sense your child wants to know, but is holding back (for older children this may be the case). You know your child best!
  • Just do it!

We are invested in our children, how do you want to spend your investment? We are all in!

team doulas jacksonville fl

 

 

Your child should also know what kind of touch, talk, and interaction is appropriate and what kind is NOT appropriate. Follow us on facebook to get our blog in your newsfeed! This topic will be covered!

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby!

Let's talk about sex, baby!Ah, THE question many new mothers (and partners) often wonder about after giving birth. Sure, you’ll visit your doc who will give you the go ahead, or not.  But he/she may not have a sit down, one-to-one pep talk with you.

After all, nobody really wants to get naked and talk about sex!

Will sex hurt? Will it be the same? Will I even want to have sex? Will my milk let down? Will we have time? Where do you put the baby? Do I really have to wait six weeks? And how much lube should I invest in?

Firstly, YES, it is important that you wait the full six weeks after giving birth to have sex, otherwise, pain during intercourse is just one of the not-so-great possibilities.  At the six week checkup, your doctor or midwife will check your uterus (and talk about birth control).  It takes about six to eight weeks for the wound in your uterus, left by the separation of the placenta during birth, to heal.  Until then, there is literally an area in your womb that is open and is prone to infection if foreign substances are introduced.

Sorry gals, even your longtime partner’s goods count as “foreign” in this instance.

This is also the reason tampons and menstrual cups are discouraged. Also, believe it or not, you can get pregnant immediately following a baby.  Take it from a woman who’s had multiple pregnancies and not a single period for the better part of a decade…Anyway, to the question:  will sex hurt?

For some women, yes, sex can be a bit uncomfortable since there is still lingering tenderness.  The blood vessels and nerve endings in the perineum have to readjust.  Within a few weeks, however, any pain should subside.  Believe it or not, sex might change-what was previously your favorite position might be “blah” now and vice versa.

Rest assured, unless there has been some extreme circumstances during your birth (i.e. 4th degree tears), your vagina/labia/other female parts are still fully functional and are just as admirable as they were previously.

If vaginal intercourse doesn’t work, well, there’s other ways of “doing it”.

It’s also normal to wonder what you should do about your newest member of the family while you and your partner attempt to get busy.  The human population has survived 5000+ years-meaning, this would be the perfect time for baby to (finally) sit in that bouncy seat, or (finally) explore his crib and nifty mobile.  After all, sometimes waiting until baby is asleep isn’t just feasible or attainable!

Sex post-baby is quite the adventure and there are sure to be some events that constitute a new normal…like milk spraying or dripping everywhere! It’s no big deal. Really. It may take some time to get back to it, especially if it is difficult for you to reconcile your changed identity as a former sex goddess turned mom.

For some women, the idea that you can still crave sexual intimacy with your partner and be a fantastic mother, is foreign and can induce feelings of guilt.  It doesn’t have to be.

Remember, women are complex humans. If pain or fear or feelings of guilt are impacting your newly restarted sex life, there are a number of resources, beginning with your doctor or midwife, and it is important to discuss these issues with them. Otherwise, get out your favorite lube and get to it!

Side note, coconut oil is amazing used as a lubricant!

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