Posts in category marriage

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby Jax FL | Best Doulas Jax FL

Secrets to Having Great Sex when Your Baby Is Nearby

Are there really secrets to having great sex when your baby is nearby? In the beginning new parents sometimes feel disconnected from sex while others do not skip a beat. Both are completely normal, not everyone is ready to engage in sex again at the same time. As long as you aren’t staying in valley too long or taking risks with your health and body in those early weeks, where you fall on the scale is probably pretty normal! For most parents if you want to have time for sex you have to make time, and get creative! You might be wondering if having sex when your baby is nearby by is even possible, it totally is!

So let’s just get right down to business so you can get down to business! Sex is a normal, healthy part of life. It can give you a release that is healing and helpful. Sex can be centered on your partner with no interest in self-gratification too. Sex is about connection, not always about orgasms and thrills! You can learn so much about yourself and your partner during sex through open communication and a trust.

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby #1:

Extra Nap or Nap Extended!

Routines and schedules are proven to be beneficial. Sometimes though it’s perfectly healthy to let go of the routine and be “spontaneous”. Let your baby take an extra nap or sleep another hour now and again and engage in some adult activity! It can break up the monotony and create little sparks here and there! Heck maybe even enjoy a glass of wine while you’re at it!

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby #2:

Room Divider for Room Sharing, not Sex Shaming!

For the room sharing parents, if “All Eyez on Me,” isn’t your thing don’t worry! You don’t need to be Tupac Shakur to feel the “Changes” that parenthood brings! [Cheesy rapper references used] Younger infants have exactly no idea what sex is, no remembrance of their parents bouncing and moaning, and there have been no studies to ever show it will have any effects on them whatsoever.

If your infants tiny eyes are making it hard for you or your partner to disconnect from the rational part of your brains, the neocortex, and slip into the primal, instinctual part of your brain, the Limbic system then a blind fold or room divider are cheap and easy ways to take eyes off your infant and connect with your partner!

Secrets to Having Great Sex When Your Baby Is Nearby #3:

Make Play time, “Playtime”!

As parents we are ALWAYS looking for ways to get a damn shower! Instead of engaging in playtime with your baby today or this hour, why not make shower time double duty?! Put baby in his/her rock n play or bouncer in the bathroom, grab your favorite water proof vibrator, or you know your partner if he/she is home, and jump in the shower! Great sex can happen alone too! A quickie in the shower while your baby plays safely in ear and eye shot from you can be exhilarating as well as refreshing! Double the pleasure!

First Coast Doulas knows you’re human. You have desires, and sometimes no desire! We know what it’s like to need time with your partner, alone! As postpartum doulas we help parents live the healthiest lives possible. Sex is important, kids are important, your marriage or partnership is important, and YOU are important!

At First Coast Doulas our brand is built on the motto, “First Love Yourself,” and we mean it! It’s ok to put your needs and desires first sometimes, your kids will have happier parents because of it; your family will be healthier because you loved yourself first!

Happy birth and parenting from the best doulas in Jax. FL

 

What Marriage Really Looks Like

What Marriage Really Looks Like

What Marriage Really Looks Like Jacksonville Florida

 

I think the idea of marriage is terrifying to some, while seeming like a novelty to others. I’m sharing what marriage really looks like for me and many other couples because after thirteen years I have some wisdom to share and our marriage has benefited from other couples who’ve generously shared with us along the way.

I recently had someone ask me if my marriage was peaceful, because peaceful to them meant boring. My response, “We have been together for 13 years, it’s peaceful, but not all the time. Thirteen years and it’s not going to be peaceful all the time, but peaceful does not equal boring!”

When I met my husband, after dating for a period of time, and accepting his proposal I thought about what it would be like to be a married couple. No longer living a single lifestyle, no longer dating each other, but in a solid, long-term, committed relationship.

I considered what that would look and feel like and it excited me!

Fast forward 13 years, 4 kids, 6 deaths in the family, financial struggles, and lots of ups and downs later and I have some insight! Now, there’s something to be said for the innocence of not knowing, so if you would like to leave, this is your warning, now’s your chance…

Marriage means easy like Sunday morning and also hard work and hard times, like really, really hard work from both partners a lot of the time.

It means fun, spontaneity, and excitement. It can also be boring as hell, stagnant, and bone-ass dry!

What marriage really looks like

It looks like spooning in your sleep or sleeping with your backs towards each other because neither of you get restful sleep when you “cuddle” through the night. Sometimes it means taking the couch so your daughter can sleep with her mama when she doesn’t feel well.

It means quickies before your partner leaves for work, and playing “This for That!”

This for That is a game my husband and I created after we had a hard realization that our sex life had changed for that season in our lives, “this for that” bargaining worked, for both of us, it was and is a win-win!

Example- “If you give me 20 minutes in the bedroom, I’ll let you sleep in tomorrow and get up with the baby!”

Sleep, did someone say extra sleep? Deal baby!

What Marriage Really Looks Like Jacksonville Florida

You’re welcome!

Marriage for some means going months without seeing each other because of long deployments. It means getting back into the swing after this long “break”, it’s not all easy!

Marriage can be harsh words, pure disgust, and contemplating the D word. Yes divorce! It means putting the other person before yourself at times, many times. It might mean counseling, even by yourself if the other person won’t go. Marriage means talking, lots and lots of talking.  It’s saying you’re sorry even when you don’t know what you did or understand why it hurt the other person, but you say it because you know you intention wasn’t to hurt them and you did.

Marriage means you may not always be madly in love with your partner, but you love your partner! It means falling back into love again and again.

Marriage means recognizing the others person’s shortcomings, but meeting them where they are instead of calling them out! It’s speaking words of appreciation for the everyday things we tend to take for granted. It’s reminding yourself that they are human just like you and they have not given up yet either!

Marriage means you’re listening and forgiveness game must be strong and your trust and honesty game on point!

We have found that knowing and understanding each other’s personality styles, love languages, and setting some ground rules helped us tremendously. These may not work for everyone, and are really meant more for examples than direct guide for you, but for our marriage it’s been very helpful.

Our ground rules:

  • No name calling
  • No arguing in front of the kids about the others parenting choice. (This has been the hardest for us by far. Our parenting styles are so different, but trusting, which came with time, helped both of us know that we don’t have to understand to trust the other’s choice and decision even though it may be very different from our own.) We will and do argue in front of our kids, on occasion, and feel it is not only acceptable, but beneficial for them to see us have difference. We also make sure, when apologies are necessary that we do it in front of the kids as often as possible so they witness that as well.
  • Once forgiven you can’t throw it back in their face! Forgiveness, but not forgotten!

Marriage is about love! It’s about beginning with the end in mind. Marriage is about knowing when to fight and when to walk away. It’s about not falling asleep at night mad at each other. It’s about squashing the bullshit because you realize life is short and this is the person who you love more than any other.

It’s about taking the road less traveled and creating your own detours!

What Marriage Really Looks Like Jacksonville Florida

 

When you think about what marriage really looks like, know that it’s beautiful, but not without mess. It’s not all smiles and happiness, it’s rough, it’s raw, it’s crazy, but it’s forgiveness, it’s togetherness, it’s someone to catch you when you fall.

How to Sleep with A Newborn; We Have A Package for That!

How to Sleep with A Newborn; We Have A Package for That!

how to sleep with a newborn jacksonville florida

Life with a newborn can be crazy, beautiful, and oh so exhausting. Someone I know, Chelsea, once said, “I made it by on long blinks! Just kidding” It’s incredible how very little sleep the human body can operate on, but that’s no way to operate! Parents need rest to feel their best and to be able to function with a clear head.

Sleep and babies aren’t always something that goes hand in hand and many families think sleep, rest, and relaxation are things they have to sacrifice until their babies are much older. That is one option.

Another option is to take shifts. I know that doesn’t always work when one parent is the bread winner or both have to be up early to work.

Some parents call in the reinforcement of grandparents! Gotta love ’em! I know we do, but some of our clients have reservations. We get it and respect that!

You’re not alone!

One group of parents we talked to said their parents are clueless as to what “wearing a baby” means or what changing baby diapers consists of today. Being a grandparent should be fun, random, and not come with lots of obligations of babysitting.

We get it!

That’s why we created another option. Created by parents, for new parents with balance in mind. First Coast Doulas offers an R&R package. R&R is an abbreviation for rest and relaxation and this yummy package does not disappoint!

Grandparents love gifting this package to their kids! They love their kids and want them to sleep well, be happy, have a great marriage, and raise happy babies.

So, the next time you or someone you know are trying to figure out how to sleep with a newborn, remember First Coast Doulas R&R Package!

Have the best of it all; your baby, your rest, and your sanity!

It’s amazing what a little R&R can do for you!

Curious what the R&R Package includes? Contact us and let’s talk!

 

how to sleep with a newborn jacksonville florida

Can My Husband Be My Doula?

Can my husband be my doula jax birth classes

Can My Husband Be My Doula?

“Can my husband be my doula?” The short answer to that question is no, but stay with us and read more to find the beautiful reasons!

Your partner is your numero uno! As you begin the most important experience of your lives together, there will be many things you must work through and trust each other with. Together you’re moving through each week of pregnancy, things are changing, and your hearts’ are preparing a place for your baby.

In preparation one thing you may have considered is the support of a professional doula. You’ve done some research and have heard that hiring the right doula can increase the likelihood that you’ll give birth feeling supported, encouraged, and having your voice heard regardless of what type of birth you are planning for.

You’re sold, but your husband is not.

Perhaps when you’ve presented the idea he’s responded with, “I’ll be your doula!” Your husband likely has his own idea of how he would like the birth to be. It’s true, guys think about the birth too! Two of the biggest concerns husbands have when introduced to the idea of a doula is that the doula may try and to replace them or make decisions for you.

Wrong! First Coast Doulas does not make any decisions for you regarding your care.

Doulas are not qualified to do so, ever, under any circumstances. First Coast Doulas understands the role and scope of the profession. We certainly do not think so much of ourselves to say we can replace your husband or make him feel removed from your birth experience together. In fact FC Doulas nurtures your unity!!!

First Coast Doulas knows that your husband’s top priority is safety, but he also wants you to look to him for comfort and support. Ten-four! We hear him loud and clear!

This is a great place to stop reading, grab your husband and finish this blog together. Maybe over dinner or a lunch date!

Husbands I reach out to you!

You’re her confidant and her rock. You’re emotionally and spiritually connected to her, she has chosen to co-create life with Y-O-U! She needs you and you provide her things that no one else could ever provide her!

You know her intimately.

Doulas know birth intimately.

Your wife loves and respects you and your position and would love to have you on board with hiring a doula. She wants support for the both of you during the birth of your baby! You know her likes and dislikes and all her little quirks. She loves you so much that she is likely willing to waver in what she feels is the best approach to birth; a professional support person. All in honor of you.

Now she is questioning, “Can my husband be my doula?”

Can you really be professional through an experience that you are emotionally invested in? Can you detach from the your own experience and draw collectively from your knowledge base to think one step ahead and support her?

Not really. Not unless you are a doula and this is not your wife and baby!

You want to feel all the feels and you are emotionally invested in this experience. You deserve that and she deserves all of you. This is your day too! When birth is imminent she will need you to be her foundation for strength. What if the strategies you learned in class aren’t coming to the forefront in your mind? First Coast Doulas has you covered!

What about her desires for this birth?

Your wife is about to birth a small human from her body, enter into motherhood, and start an entirely new chapter in her life, with you, her husband. She wants a doula because she wants this to be the very best experience for the both of you, not to replace you. Noone can do that!

You are her husband, her main support person, but you cannot be her doula.

She wants a doula, whose sole role is constant support, comfort, and a calm presence so the two of you can work through it, together. Her providers and nurses will pop in and out and at minimum have a handful of other patients to care for.

She wants the two of you to get off to a wonderful start caring for your baby. She wants someone to show you the things that you can do to help her and someone to support you both after immediately after birth. She doesn’t want the pressure on you to have to do and be all the things.

She wants emotional support, encouragement and sometimes guidance from a professional who is not part of the health care system. A doula is familiar with birth and understands the physical and emotional aspects. A doula knows what the variations of normal are and what is happening within her laboring body.

Can she do it without a doula? Sure she can, but women who are hiring professional doulas experienced a:

  • 14% decrease in the risk of newborns being admitted to a special care nursery
  • 34% decrease in the risk of being dissatisfied with the birth experience

Your wife doesn’t want to replace you or waste money on a something frivolous.

She wants to invest in an experience with you! She will remember this day for the rest of her life. A trail guide is a valid request when climbing Mount Everest, as is a doula for the birth of your baby.

Trust is one of the most important components in any healthy relationship, especially marriage.

Often times we talk through things until we find a solution. Other times we have to trust that while something may seem crazy in our minds, it can make perfect sense to our spouse. Then because you love each other one decides to just let go and trust the other!

I encourage you to revisit the idea of a doula and trust that your wife knows what she is talking about! Join her this investment. She trusts herself and her judgement, have faith in that. Allow her room to move confidently from pregnancy, through labor, and into motherhood while you, her husband, trust in her investment in your future together.

Contact First Coast Doulas today to set up a complimentary consult for you and your spouse!

 

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