5 Things Everyone Should Know About Cesarean Birth

5 Things Everyone Should Know About Cesarean Birth | Jax FL Birth

5 Things Everyone Should Know About Cesarean Birth

There are 5 things everyone should know about cesarean birth! Cesarean birth just doesn’t get discussed as much as “natural birth” or vaginal birth. If it does, it is often in passing or in such a way as to incite fear! As your friendly, neighborhood doulas, we wanted to take a minute and talk about some aspects of Cesarean birth so that whether you are planning a C-section or not, you at least have a little more information on them, because let’s face it, birth is rarely black and white!

  1. Cesarean birth is birth, but it’s also major abdominal surgery

First and foremost, Cesarean birth is unequivocally birth. There is no “right” way to birth. That said, it is also major abdominal surgery. As such, the recovery can be fairly difficult for the majority of the population.  The body needs more time and more gentleness as it recovers from surgical birth (ß—see, surgery and birth!). Just think: the doctor has to cut through multiple layers to get to the prize! That is no easy feat and your body knows it. So, please be gentle with yourself for at least six weeks following B-day!

  1. It could take all day

If you are looking forward to cesarean birth because you are happy to schedule your baby’s birthday and you are arranging it to coincide with visits from the grandparents, this may be a little disappointing.  Yep, that 9:00 AM appointment could actually turn into a 9:00 PM birth. C-sections don’t guarantee that you’ll get to adhere to the itinerary! Emergencies happen all the time which means that your non-emergent birth time could get repeatedly pushed back depending on the hospital’s load and facilities. It isn’t likely, but it does happen often enough that it’s worth being aware.

  1. It can be just as scary

This doesn’t apply to everyone (I mean, really, when do birth scenarios ever apply across the board?), but Cesareans can induce fear and panic even in the coolest cucumber. So while you may enjoy the feeling of control that C-sections provide, you may also notice yourself shaking and trembling when the doctors explain the procedure or when you enter the stark room. This is normal. See point #1!

  1. You will feel

Yep. Even with the anesthesia, you actually will still feel! Before you panic, read on.  As weird as it is, most people report that they were not completely numb; however, the sensations were not painful. You will most likely feel the pressure and the pulling as the surgeon works, but it doesn’t hurt, even if it is unsettling.   This could partly be due to the fact that we can see what it is going on (partially) and therefore our brain expects something, so we perceive the sensations and partly because the epidural and spinal do not always completely block proprioception.

  1. You still need support

A good portion of people think that a C-section is the “easy way out”. Not only is this patently false, it is dismissive to those people who know that it’s false!  We often hear from people who’ve had Cesareans that they were so surprised that it wasn’t easy at all and they didn’t count on needing validation, emotional support, and practical help from outside their close family and friends. As a matter of fact, they felt relieved when they found out that C-sections are just as deserving and demanding of birth and postpartum help as vaginal births are. So, ensure you line up the perfect support team so that you feel at ease during and after the birth. See points #1, #2, #3, and #4

As usual, if you have further questions or would like to add a point to this list, leave it in the comments! First Coast Doulas supports all parenting styles, choices, and needs! If you are planning for a cesarean birth our Cesarean Birth Prep Class is just for you! If you’re hoping for a vaginal birth and to avoid a cesarean birth, but want to be prepared for either, The Prepared Parent Childbirth Class is just for you! We hope you found these 5 things everyone should know about cesarean birth helpful!

You’re a Rock Star Even if Nobody Tells You

you're a rock star | best doulas in jax florida

You’re a Rock Star Even if Nobody Tells You

We’ve got to get something off our chests.  It’s a secret that shouldn’t be. It’s something that doesn’t, for some reason, get said enough or only gets said when the “right” conditions are met.  And it’s a shame.

You’re a Rock Star! Yes, YOU!

Birthing a baby and parenting said baby until they run your refrigerator out the door, is hard work no matter what. Even for us folk who seem to be floating on cloud 9 in the best breeze, there are days that are just hard. And you’re a rock star for showing up.  Giving birth to this tiny human is also an incredible feat, no matter the mode of delivery.

Society at large seems to place a higher value on certain types of birth though.

We’ve even noticed that the professionals with whom so many new parents place their trust have demonstrated public preference to birth and are biased in what they deem worthy of public merriment. As care providers and professional support persons in a position of authority, this behavior implicitly ascribes a morality to this value and as such, shames different choices and outcomes. And while it may be unintentional, many parents end up feeling like shit about their birth.

 

“I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I did all the things. I took an eight week childbirth class, hired a well-known doula, read articles, and I joined a moms group for women who were and had birthed narturally. In the end it was just me, all alone. Noone cheering me on and telling me, ‘You’re a rock star’, or ‘You rocked your birth’ after a 12 hour labor turned cesarean. I was heart broken, it would have just felt good to know others saw how hard I tried. Instead I felt like I let my doula and closest friends down.”

 

Our birth experiences shape us, whether we like it or not. How we feel as we enter parenthood matters! Words matter! Hearing, “You’re a rockstar” matters, and not hearing it matters too!

When the most popular doctor, midwife, or doula in town always posts and shares the “best” births on their social media platforms, and you notice that they always say, “Congrats to this Rock Star mama who had an non-medicated vaginal birth” but doesn’t mention the rock star parents who labored for hours and chose to pursue relief via pharmaceuticals, or the parent who chose a cesarean birth from the get-go, it hurts.

We get it.

We hear you.

Having a “natural” birth (which is a misnomer, by the way) is definitely something to be proud of and it is worth celebration. No doubt, at all. But choosing an epidural or opting for cesarean birth is an equally valid choice and one that deserves the same frequency and intensity of accolades.

This isn’t simply a matter of target market or ideal patients/clients on the part of the midwives or other birth professionals in regards to their statements/behavior online and off, because

a). not all of their patients/clients want the same things for their birth that the provider wants

b.) a provider and/or doula shouldn’t necessarily “want” anything other than a healthy, safe, and happy experience and outcome to begin

c.) they are all held in esteem in the greater health community and because of this, have influence and

d.) even if, by some chance, all their clients/patients did want a completely drug-free/intervention-free, vaginal birth, there will always be some who, for their safety and health, cannot and will not birth as originally intended.

The consequences from feeling like one “failed” at birth are very real and entirely damaging.

Not to mention, it isn’t a test to pass. By saving our “You’re a rock star” for specific people, we are effectively setting people up to believe that birth is a test of their abilities and ultimately, of their parental devotion and/or suitability. By always exclusively referring to these “mamas” (another issue for another day), we do a disservice to all those parents who need and want validation and…shared joy in their hard work.  Because let’s be clear here: non-medicated vaginal birth is hard. Medicated vaginal birth is hard. Cesarean birth is hard. Birth is hard.  So what are we saying?

There is no right or wrong way!

YOU’RE A ROCK STAR. With capital letters.  Unequivocally.  All day, every day!

P.S we recommend surrounding yourself with people who will tell you you’re a rock star without any strings. It doesn’t have to be us-we just want nothing more than your fully knowing your power.

Authored by: Heather Horrell and Elizabeth Luke

Cesarean Birth Prep Sessions

cesarean birth jax, fl | birth classes in jax, fl

Finally, a class for parents having a cesarean birth!

Will you be welcoming a wee one or ones by way of cesarean birth? Are you supporting someone before, during, and after a cesarean birth? Feeling anxious, nervous, or out of touch with what to expect on the big day and weeks following the birth? First Coast Doulas understands the diverse needs of families. Our Cesarean Birth Prep Session is a unique resource for parents in the Jacksonville, Florida area.

Find out what couples are saying about the Cesarean Birth Prep Session!

Our Family 1st Birthing Classes are comprehensive and encompass the wide variations of birth choices and options including non-medicated and medicated vaginal birth, home and hospital birth, and of course cesarean birth. This break-out session, focuses entirely on the process and beauty of birthing your baby via cesarean without all the other song and dance!

Do you want to learn more about the process?

Are you aware of what comfort techniques are available?

Are you clear on what options you have?

Have you considered your partner’s role?

In the Cesarean Birth Prep Session you will discover all of those things as well as things no books tell you about!

Offered in the privacy, comfort, and convenience of your own home! We come to you, no travel or traffic required. Not only do we answer all your questions and more, but we also discuss the first hours after birth, the fourth trimester body, breastfeeding, and post-birth healing and recovery.

First Coast Doulas is dedicated to providing families with truly non-judgmental support, education, and options. We’re here to help you transition more smoothly, confidently, and in the way that is best for you and your family. Whether you are selecting the Family 1st Birthing Class or the Cesarean Birth Prep Session you will get all of your questions answered and have it all laid out for you in a professional, friendly, and reassuring way.

Not sure which class to take? No problem, contact us and we will work with you one on one to help you decide!

Private Childbirth Classes

 

private childbirth classes | Jax FL | Best Birth Classes in Jax., FL

Private Childbirth Classes

Considering private childbirth classes means you’re a dynamic individual!

When preparing for birth it’s much easier to know what you want when you are aware of what is available to you. You need an educator that is as forward-thinking as you are. Someone that can lay out all of your options, knows the ins and outs of the local birthing facilities, and presents the information in a way that allows you to explore what is best for you and your family. That’s exactly what you get with First Coast Doulas!

When attending Family 1st Private Birthing Classes with First Coast Doulas you can expect to learn about:

  • pregnancy & common ailments during
  • the stages of labor & birth
  • comfort measures
  • your rights
  • how to navigate labor in a way that works best for you in the moment
  • the physiological process of birth

You’ll also learn:

  • how to work with your body to feel more comfortable
  • positions that are helpful during birth
  • when those positions are most helpful

What’s better than that?

How about also learning tips and techniques from someone who works intimately with families giving birth and during the first six weeks after birth. Information to prepare you for what you can expect based on your birth choices, and how to care for your postpartum body, are also included.

Family 1st Private Childbirth Classes are the perfect place to explore how you will define a satisfying birth experience.

We provide you with information on un-medicated vaginal birth, various options for pharmacological pain relief including epidurals, and what to expect if you choose or require a cesarean. All the information is presented in an unbiased and judgement free manner. Regardless of your desires for your birth experience, gathering knowledge of the most common options and variations will help you feel prepared should your plans change along the way.

All of this in the comfort, privacy, and safety of your very own home.

Overall, these amazing classes will help you find what works best for you. You will complete your class feeling prepared with tools to navigate the unpredictability and intensity of your baby’s birth. Using research based information and proven techniques, you can expect to feel safer and less fearful of the birthing process. Are you ready to meet your baby?

Authored by Lacey Park agency owner at Chinook City Doulas, serving families in Calgary!

;

Delayed Cord Clamping

delayed cord clamping | Birth Classes Jax, FL

Delayed Cord Clamping

Delayed cord clamping is a term that you’ve likely heard of or read about if you are expecting a baby in the near future. At birth babies are attached to their placenta via their umbilical cord. The placenta is attached to the wall of the woman’s uterus. Once the baby is born the cord is clamped. This stops the flow of nutrient rich blood containing iron from the placenta to the baby. When the baby’s cord is clamped matters.

Some of you just thought, “So what’s the research say?” We got you!

The World Health Organization (WHO) says that, “delayed cord clamping (performed approximately 1–3 min after birth) is recommended for all births, while initiating simultaneous essential neonatal care.” Furthermore they say that early cord clamping (less than one minute after birth) is not recommended for pre-term and full-term babies unless they the baby needs to be moved immediately for resuscitation.

I especially love that they also address the fact that keeping the cord unclamped for a 1-3 minute period also helps to prevent and treat postpartum hemorrhage in the birthing woman.

Postpartum hemorrhage (PPH) is defined as a rapid loss of blood after giving birth. PPH can happen anytime immediately following birth up to 6 weeks postpartum. The most common causes of PPH are poor contractions of the uterus, separation of the placenta or pieces of retained placenta, or a tear in the uterus. Some women are at higher risk for PPH. Women birthing more than a singleton baby, are of advanced maternal age, who are birthing via cesarean, and those who have had labor augmented with medication are at greater risk. So, it may be important to you to note that delayed cord clamping can help prevent and treat PPH.

Even more exciting, yesterday the American Congress of Obstetricians andGynecologists (ACOG) released their latest statement and the results show the following benefits:

In preterm infants:

  • improved transitional circulation
  • better establishment of red blood cell volume
  • less need for blood transfusion
  • reduces the incidence of brain hemorrhage
  • reduces the risk of necrotizing enterocolitis (intestinal disease)

For term infants

  • increases hemoglobin levels at birth
  • improves iron stores for several months
  • helps prevent iron deficiency during the first year of life

ACOG also states that in most cases, delayed cord clamping doesn’t interfere with the immediate care the infant receives including the first breath and immediate skin-to-skin contact. Delayed cord clamping alone does not affect whether or not a woman can have her placenta encapsulated. Majority of women who are planning for or who need to have a cesarean birth can also consider delayed cord clamping.

So, if you’re in the midst of creating a birth plan or preference sheet, delayed cord clamping just might be something you want to include. In addition to taking a great childbirth education class be sure to talk with your provider if you have questions and make your wishes known to your support person(s) and your entire birth team.

Fun tid-bit of the day; delayed cord clamping is also known as optimal cord clamping! From us to you, happy birth and parenting! ~Elizabeth Luke

Doula Support Doesn’t End Where An Epidural Begins

Doula Support Doesn't End Where An Epidural Begins jax placenta

Doula Support Doesn’t End Where An Epidural Begins…At Least Not With First Coast Doulas

I remember it vividly. There I was standing at my client’s bedside plugging her phone in so it could charge up when her doctor says to me with a smile, “I guess you can go home now since she got the epidural!”

Wait, what? I did a double take to make sure he was actually speaking to me, and he was.

“Why would I do that? She’s was 6 centimeters dilated at last check and seems to be making good progress. There are lots of ways I can support them even with an epidural. Doula support doesn’t end where an epidural begins. Why would I leave?” I replied.

My client, she quickly chimmed in, “Don’t go anywhere. We need you here. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Her husband agreed.

What the doctor said next sort of surprised me, “Most doulas leave when the patient gets an epidural since doulas are against medication.”

A conversation ensued. Turns out, according to this doctor most doulas that come through the hospital while he was the physician on call left when an epidural was administered to his patients, their clients.

Honestly, I can’t say that I’m shoked, because I’ve heard it before from doctors, nurses, and even from a couple doulas themselves. I’d like to believe that the doulas just panicked and regretted it and learned from their mistakes, but still, where does that leave the birthing woman and her partner (if she had one)?

I’ve also had people tell me that their doula left them or made them feel horrible for opting to get an epidural, other pain medication, or for needing or choosing cesarean birth. It’s also not unusual to hear someone speak of doulas as if they’re only valueable when a person wants to birth “all-naturally”!

Well, that’s shit! Straight up, utter bullshit!

I’m not shocked, but I am disgusted. When couples contract with First Coast Doulas they know without a shadow of a doubt that they are getting unconditional, non-judgmental, full and complete support. They know that their doula comes to them agenda-free and ready to serve and support them in a way that is unique to them. Doula support doesn’t end where an epidural begins!

Our clients know our value and happily purchase doula support services with us because they know that there are no do-overs in birth, this is a once in a lifetime experience, they get it! They want the very best and know where to find just that!

The fact that the word non-judgemental has to be used along with support is gross to be honest! The term “non-judgemental support” seems like an oxymoron. Think about it.

Just to be absolutely 10o% clear, when hiring First Coast Doulas your birth belongs to you in every way! We will never try to “know better” than you. We will not try to “push or sway” you, or give you misinformation.

It’s your journey! It’s not about what anyone else wants or thinks.

Whether you have goals and a vision or you just want to wing, we got you! We support and encourage you and your partner in pregnancy, labor, birth, and even the fourth trimester!  We do not leave you if your plan changes or you opt for pain medication.

So, how does First Coast Doulas “support” you if you choose or need an epidural or cesarean birth? The same way we support you without one:

  • fully and completely
  • one on one
  • with encouragement
  • we help you understand your options
  • create a plan and navigate if your plan changes
  • emotional support is HUGE with or without an epidural
  • help you stay relaxed
  • can help you focus
  • help you breath more effectively
  • usinging pros and cons
  • explaining each new process
  • positioning, you’re not limited to your back!
  • comfort measures, not every epidural works, there is still some discomfort/pain in most cases

Are there actual physical ways we can support you? You betcha!

Furthermore, we do all of this while also supporting and encouraging your partner so he/she can be more comfortable and an intricate part of the experience!

With First Coast Doulas, Doula support doesn’t end where an epidural begins. Hire the best, hire First Coast Doulas!

 

Doulas & Epridurals

Questions to Ask About Placenta Encapsulation

Questions to Ask About Placenta Encapsulation

Questions to Ask About Placenta Encapsulation Jax

Questions to Ask About Placenta Encapsulation

Placenta encapsulation, is a centuries old practice that is making a modern day come back and for good reason. Celebrities that have publically announced their choice to heal naturally after birth include Kim & Kourtney Kardashian, Coleen Rooney, January Jones, Mayim Bialik, Holly Madison, Kim Zolciak, and Gaby Hoffman. Because of these women and many others placenta encapsulation has become a topic of discussion when preparing for childbirth.

When most people hear about placenta encapsulation they think it’s one of most bizarre things they’ve ever heard. Then, when they hear that the placenta is dried, ground into a powder, put into capsules, and looks like any other capsule supplement they are more open to the idea. Their interest is peaked even more when they hear the reported benefits.

Women who’ve consumed their placenta in capsules say:

  • they have more energy
  • they heal faster with less pain
  • they feel a sense of well-being and balance
  • they have helped reduce or lessen the symptoms of postpartum depression

While those benefits are anecdotal, and not to be ignored since anecdotal information is where larger studies begin, there are some scientific studies that support the idea that consuming one’s own placenta can help increase breast milk production.

There are some very important questions you should ask when choosing someone to encapsulate your placenta.

Here are 5 questions to ask about placenta encapsulation to be as safe as possible:

  • What training have you had? Can I see proof you are trained? Are you certified? How often do you recertify?
  • What other certifications, if any do you hold that are relevant to placenta encapsulation? May I see those?
  • Where is the encapsulation process completed at exactly? May I schedule a time to see the space? Are there other people or animals who frequent the space where my placenta is processed?
  • Do we get to meet face to face before you process my placenta?
  • How will I know the placenta powder in the capsules came from my placenta (and bloodborne pathogens) and no one else’s?

First Coast Placenta does not cut corners with your safety! Hire the best because it matters!

This experience is provided by a professional whose number one concerns are your safety, transparency, and comfort. Placenta encapsulation requires attention to detail, knowledge, and extreme caution. With First Coast Placenta we acknowledge the seriousness of this service and do not feel it should be treated as a side gig or hobby.

First Coast Placenta specialists are dual trained, certified, and cross-certifying with a second organization. We are W.H.O. compliant and O.S.H.A certified in bloodborne pathogens Standard 29 CFR 1090.1030 and hold a current Food Handler’s certificate.

First Coast Placenta brings love, energy, and healing after you give birth! Ask our clients what they think about the service and experience they received, we will provide you with a list of references.

We will happily answer these questions and any others you might have. Contact us today to learn more and may your postpartum be positive!

 

 

“Powdered Placenta Hominis was used for 57 cases of insufficient lactation. Within 4 days, 48 women had markedly increased milk production, with the remainder following suit over the next three days.”

Bensky/Gamble. 1997. Materia Medica, Eastland Press, 549

 

“All patients were given desiccated placenta prepared as previously described (C.A. II, 2492) in doses of 10 grams in a capsule 3 times a day. Only those mothers were chosen for the study whose parturition was normal and only the weights of those infants were recorded whose soul source of nourishment was mothers milk. The growth of 177 infants was studied. The rate of growth is increased by the ingestion of placenta by the mother… the maternal ingestion of dried placenta tissue so stimulates the tissues of the infants feeding on the milk produced during this time, that unit weight is able to add on greater increments of matter, from day to day, than can unit weight of infants feeding on milk from mothers not ingesting this substance.”

Hammett, Frederick. S. 1918. The Journal of Biological Chemistry, 36.
American Society of Biological Chemists, Rockefeller Institute for Medical Research, original press: Harvard University

 

“It has been shown that the feeding of desiccated placenta to women during the first eleven days after parturition causes an increase in the protein and lactose percent of the milk… All the mothers were receiving the same diet, and to the second set 0.6mg of desiccated placenta was fed three times a day throughout the period. Certain definite differences in the progress of growth of the two sets of infants are to be observed. It is evident that the recovery from the postnatal decline in weight is hastened by the consumption of milk produced under the influence of maternally ingested placenta.”

McNeile, Lyle G. 1918. The American journal of obstetrics and diseases of women and children, 77.
W.A. Townsend & Adams, original press: University of Michigan

 

“An attempt was made to increase milk secretion in mothers by administration of dried placenta per os. Of 210 controlled cases only 29 (13.8%) gave negative results; 181 women (86.2%) reacted positively to the treatment, 117 (55.7%) with good and 64 (30.5%) with very good results. It could be shown by similar experiments with a beef preparation that the effective substance in placenta is not protein. Nor does the lyofilised placenta act as a biogenic stimulator so that the good results of placenta administration cannot be explained as a form of tissue therapy per os. The question of a hormonal influence remains open. So far it could be shown that progesterone is probably not active in increasing lactation after administration of dried placenta. This method of treating hypogalactia seems worth noting since the placenta preparation is easily obtained, has not so far been utilized and in our experience is successful in the majority of women.”

Soykova-Pachnerova E, et. al.(1954). Gynaecologia 138(6):617-627

 

What Do Miss Universe Pageants and Birth Have In Common

What Do Miss Universe Pageants and Birth Have In Common Sometimes?

I want to preface this by saying that First Coast Doulas respects and supports all types of birthing experiences from elected cesarean births to un-medicated home births and everything in between! This blog is written for those who had their hearts set on a (fill in the blank) birth and ended with something other than their heart’s desire.

What Do Miss Universe Pageants and Birth Have In Common

Being center stage waiting for the title of Miss Universe to be announced has to be nerve racking. Your competition has been narrowed way down; you are a finalist! Competition to your left, competition to your right, when it happens…

Steve Harvey announces you’re the winner!!

Then, as fast as you received the crown, it’s taken away in a blink. The wrong winner was crowned! You were Miss Universe for a moment in time.

What do you do?

What any winner does! You hold you head high, smile, and think to yourself, “What in the exact hell just happened?” You were announced the winner of the pageant and then crash, the crown was gone. The crowd stopped cheering; your heart sunk into your stomach. You’ve never felt anything quite like it.

Now, imagine your perfect birth is unfolding just as you planned. It’s really happening you think to yourself! Your partner and birth team are there to support you and keep you and your baby safe.

Sometimes though, things don’t always go as planned. Birth is one of those times. You really just never know!

Everything can change very quickly and you could find yourself thinking, “What in the hell is happening? This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.” First Coast Doulas is there to help you get answers, know your options, and navigate the changes that are taking place .

Before you know it, you’re left with all of these feelings inside. Feelings you aren’t sure what to do with. You have pain, a beautiful new baby, a partner who just doesn’t understand.

You have people telling you, “No one gets an award for a (fill in the blank) birth. You did the best you could” and, “At least you have a healthy baby.”

What do Miss Universe pageants and birth have in common?

Sometimes we do everything right-we’re set, all is going perfectly. We’re in the home stretch and shit gets real, real quick! Your crown is snatched right off your head and you’re hurt, you’re angry, and sometimes you don’t even know what you feel.

You wonder, “what happens now?”

You are left to piece it all together, all while being a new mother. You have this precious little life depending on you and perhaps more children at home.

Your crown isn’t taken away by not having a (fill in the blank) birth. It’s taken when your choices are taken from you and when people feel like it’s not necessary to allow you to process the vast change that has taken place.

First Coast Doulas allows you that space to be angry, to process without judgement or guilt.

First Coast Doulas understands these feelings and emotions. We know that although you may have this beautiful healthy baby in your arms, you may feel lost or loss. We are here to help you process your birth experience. For better or worse. We listen with open ears and a loving heart who knows your feelings are valid and real.

We’re here when you bring home the crown and when it’s snatched right off your head.

The postpartum support we provide families is a huge part of recovery for the mother and helps the entire family unit bond. Our postpartum support relieves tension that can arise when no one else is understanding what you are going through.

Let First Coast Doulas help you recover your crown!

 

FC Doulas Postpartum Support;

While we can’t diagnose or treat, (we are not medical professionals), we are trained to identify signs of postpartum blues, postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis by:

Listening/Processing Birth Experience

Assistance with Breast or Bottle Feeding

Connecting You with Resources As Needed

Assistance with Mobility

Mother-Baby Bonding

Help with Pain Management/Relief

Meal Prep/Cooking

Easy Snack Prep for Mom

Light Housekeeping

Sibling Care

 

 

Steve Harvey Announces The WRONG Winner of Miss Universe 2015

CYBER DEALS EXTENDED! PICK YOUR GIFT!

CYBER DEALS EXTENDED! PICK YOUR GIFT!

cyber deals

We had such an amazing response that we have decided to extend the promotions we currently have running! Booking includes a signed contract and first payment.

Contact us today and give the gift of SLEEP!!

Precious, precious sleep!

Other priceless gifts include, if you desire them:

  • relaxation
  • pampering
  • education
  • healing
  • bonding
  • partner support
  • resources
  • breastfeeding tips and tricks
  • fresh coffee
  • home-cooked meals
  • a night in with your friends, wine, food

cyber deals Jacksonville, FL

 

cyber deals Jacksonville, FL

Never Say These 10 Things to A Mom

Never Say These 10 Things to A Mom

never say these 10 things to a mom jacksonville doula

It happens more times than you might realize, a woman’s feelings are invalidated by other people. When a new mom comes away from her miscarriage, stillbirth, live birth, postpartum, or breastfeeding experience feeling sad, disappointed, hurt, or upset, her feelings are anything but satisfying to her.

Regardless of how she feels her feelings are hers!

This blog is not to point to fingers, or place blame, but rather to raise awareness.

Every one of us is likely guilty of invalidating another person’s feelings, unknowingly or otherwise. I know that before I started my journey in birth work I said something to discredit the way another woman felt about her own experience without even realizing I did it. Luckily she was my dear friend and she was able to communicate that what I said made her feel worse. It helped me reevaluate my words.

How many other times had I done this? 

I am sure that like me, most of you are well meaning individuals. Maybe you, like me experienced a moment of awkward silence and in effort to try and make someone feel better you invalidated their feelings because you didn’t know what else to say, it happens.

It’s time we understand that the awkward silence is o.k. That noone feels more about an experience than the person who experienced it.

I compiled a list of the top 1o most invalidating statements. How many have you said, heard someone say, or never even gave a second thought to?

never say these 10 things to a mom jacksonville doula

Never Say These 10 Things to A Mom:

  1. “All that matters is a healthy baby.”

No, that is not all that matters, knock it off! In the big scheme of things of course a healthy baby are what a mom would say is the pinnacle of importance, but a healthy mom; mind, body, and spirit is very important.

  1. “Well when I ____________”

Stop right there! Yes, your experience is important, but this is about her right now, not you, not me, not anyone else. Her experience is unique no matter how similar anyone else’s is. Telling her about yours when she has opened up about her own can be helpful, but can also take what ownership she had over the experience away. Tread lightly.

  1. “There’s no award for having a baby natural birth!”

Wait just a damn minute! Her goal of having an un-medicated birth is something she set for herself, something of great importance to her; otherwise she wouldn’t have set that goal. Her award is achieving the goals she set for reasons she felt the goal was important. By telling her there is no award you are saying the reasons she set the goal are not important.

  1. If anything you says begins with, “you should or shouldn’t” or “at least”, then you are invalidating her feelings and being unsupportive.

Examples: “at least you had a vaginal birth”, “at least you know what it’s like to be pregnant”, “you can always try again”, “at least you knew adoption was the best choice”, “you shouldn’t worry about that”, ” you have other kids that need you”, “you should be grateful you got your homebirth”.

  1. “Why did you give up on breastfeeding?”

Give up? Are you serious right now? The choice to breastfeed or not is very personal. Some women choose to breastfeed for a week, some for a year, and some for 6 years. Just because she doesn’t breastfeed as long as she set out to originally, or doesn’t breastfeed as long as you think she should doesn’t mean that she gave up. Perhaps there were medical reasons, perhaps there were personal ones, perhaps she changed her mind, and it’s ok. and doesn’t mean gave up! Unless she says she gave up, then she did not give up, she shifted gears!

  1. “So, when you going to have another one?”

Seemingly harmless right?! Tell that to the couple who has been trying to conceive and struggling? Is it really anyone else’s business?

  1. “You have no idea what it’s like.”

No, for you she doesn’t. She knows exactly what it’s like for her though and telling someone they have no idea what it’s like is a bit condescending.

  1. “Sometimes things happen in labor that we don’t like, it is what it is.”

Sometimes things happen that we don’t like. Well, of course, that’s a given, that’s life, that she knows, and she doesn’t need to hear that from anyone. What she experienced could have been very traumatic for her, by her definition, not anyone else’s.

  1. “Some babies don’t want to be born vaginally”

Really? How would you know if her baby wanted to be born vaginal or by cesarean? If it were that simple she would know and plan accordingly wouldn’t she?

  1. “There’s always next time”

No, there will never be a next time. Not for this baby, this birth, this moment, or experience. Never again, this is it. There may be more times, but never this time again. Please try and understand this, honor this, at very least respect it.

In the words of my Doula partner, Heather Horrell, perhaps this might be a better way to respond to a person experiencing grief, “I’m sorry your birth/postpartum didn’t go/isn’t going as planned. I know how important that is to you. What are some parts that you feel were/are good? What are some that are bad and you’d like to process? I’m here to listen and help”.

So whether or not she gave birth vaginally, by cesarean, at home or in the hospital her feelings about her experience matter.

Whether she breastfed for a week, a month, a year or never, her feelings about it matter!

If her baby was carried to full term, born prematurely, miscarried before anyone knew she existed, or adopted, her feelings matter, they are important and are valid.

Nothing we say should be anything less than supportive. Sometimes all a mom needs is someone to just listen in silence. Sometimes all she needs is someone to just hold her and say I’m sorry. Sometimes she needs someone to say what you are feeling sucks, but it’s o.k. to feel that way, your feelings are valid!